It still hits me....

This is a warning not a usual post....

So I have been reading people’s blogs and sometimes they are not funny or cute just something they need to get out.

6 years ago on April 28 I lost two of the world's greatest men. My cousin's Johney and Kevin were killed in a car wreck just a few miles away from their parent’s house in Oklahoma. I was in college at the time and it was actually dead day (how ironic). I remember Lori (my roommate and best friend) asking me over and over what was wrong while I was on the phone crying as my mom told me the news. I don't remember driving home; I don't remember anything until the funeral. I say all this because sometimes I fear that I will forget what they sound like and everything else that was them. I don't have older brothers and these two stepped up and took on that role. There are times even know that I wish I could pick up the phone and hear their voices and have them tell me they love me and that it’s all going to be all right.

I have decided that God does things for you when you need it most. It has hit me that in less than 2 months I will be getting married and they will not be a part of this very special day. They won’t get to tell me how beautiful I look and dance with me at the reception. As I sit in my house writing this and crying I can't help but smile, because I had one of those dreams last night (or actually this morning), the ones that feel so real and you wake up and wonder if it really happened. In my dream Kevin was there and he hugged me like he always did, kissed my cheek and told me it was all going to be okay and that he loved me so much. (Making the dream a little shorter for you guys to read). I woke up and could still feel the hug, remember his voice and his face!!! (In all his goofiness :))

I know that this is not a normal post and that some might think I am crazy but writing it down is helping to calm me down, and if you think I am crazy that is just fine. It’s also a good possibility that it doesn't make much since. I really wish I could find the word that would describe how I feel at this moment...

(I will try and post again later something a little more happy but until...)